This one particular acting exercise I use to participate in was that two people would stand a few meters apart and just say things that they noticed about the other person and the other person would have to repeat it back. It could be anything from the clothes they're wearing to the message their current body language is giving off. Like if I had said "You're Nervous" because of they were they were standing they would have to repeat back "I'm nervous".
Now after I had gotten comfortable with the game, I became a little barsh about it and I would just start exuding some assholish confidence. I'd start preforming out weird gestures and use strange voice tones and intensely pinpointed observations. I got a little mean to the other newbies in the class. Then she (the supervising older student) had a game with me and everything just went crashing down in my little perfect world. She stared me down with a stern icy glare and just laid into me. She started saying "You don't take things seriously" "You're taking the piss" "You talk a ton of shit" and my favourite one "You're use to dominating people with your personality".
I swear she was trying to break me. I repeated all of those back with in a smuggly arrogant manner. A shit eating grin with droll insincerity coming from my voice.
Now I've never had anyone just outright say all this to my face. Usually people just wait until I leave the room then make some snarky comment about my outlandish behavior. I don't remember her name but I'll never forget that girls face. I hated her and she hated me.... Who the hell did she think she was?
I look at myself now, the more she was right to put me in my place. I am an awful person to deal with at times, frankly I'm kind of an asshole sometimes. I'm just an awful person for no reason sometimes. (Or maybe because I've been drinking and I've let that super inner asshole out).
A few months ago an old friend from High School came back and hung out with me and my friends. We were watching TV and I was dominating the conversation as usual rambling on about something and he just looks at us and says. "You guys are Assholes aren't you?"
Sometimes facing an awful truth about yourself is hard. I kinda ignored the statement but thought it was an odd and quite frankly a little hurtful thing to say. But that statement did stay with me and its only just recently has it occurred to me how much of an asshole I am. I'm stubborn, loud, arrogant, obnoxious and my most marketable skill seems to be talking bullshit.
Someday I might meet that girl that put me in my place again. I like to think I'd go up to her to admit my faults, apologise and thank her for her honesty and bluntness. But hen another part of me just wants to stare her down with an icy hateful glare and just call her fat. She's not even all that fat (She wasn't skinny either) I'd just say it in a broad attempt to try to lower her sense of self-worth because... I'm an asshole.
A Fucking Men
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